It feels very hard for me to start writing a new post when I feel I have not yet found the right story to share.
My person-o-metre really wants everything that has been happening to roll out in a perfectly baked goods. Of course it doesn’t care to acknowledge the processes that needed to be done before the goods are ready to be inserted into the oven. It just wanted to get them done. And that means now, young lady.
So Steiner has been yelling orders again. And Soda has been overpowering my choosing ability. My lazy lion is twiddling his fingers mindlessly, waiting for me to finally choose something that excites him.
So my resolution to start the year with a loud healthy bang is apparently starting by being
not so loud, okay, I mean, very subtle melodious sound that slowly builds up from hums to a calm song. Which is good. Calm is good. I love calm.
I just don’t feel very connected to calm when what I expected was an ear-splattering “HIYAAHHH!” starting sound, followed by a rush of energetic R&B playlist from Macklemore to Will.i.am.
Okay. Now reading back a part of what I really expected from my resolution made me feel suddenly grateful. I’m really glad it didn’t start with a bang. Apparently the above confession made my lion stop twiddling his thumbs and looked at me in an alarmed expression. Of course he doesn’t like loud sounds. So, calm it is.
Just like what I secretly love.
After going for almost 2 weeks holiday trip in the neighboring states, I realised that hub and I had discovered another treasure. It’s not so hidden as it needs a bit of twist and turning to see it exists within us.
When we really want something, and believing in something for its worth, it will happen. It sure will. Those little miracles, we witnessed them during our journey more than we expected. Like the moments we were greeted by the snow leopard in her lone cage. The only big cat that was waiting for our presence, and the time when we almost went out and the small meerkat was standing to see us go with a solemn expression. The warm greeting by the crimson rosella who stand nearby during our breakfast, then witnessing the presence of the big bird that was said to be the animal form of the Three Sister’s father, and enjoying the warm welcome by the cockatoos that were dancing near our campervan..
When you want something: you planned it meticulously, carefully, and finally when it’s happening, much more than you have expected.. you know how surreal and magical everything inside and around you truly is.
So yes, you have a choice. To see the reasons to make you feel grateful, or see the reasons to make you grief. Or both. In balance.
And after I chose mine (I unashamedly prefer the grateful feeling over mostly anything else), I wish to slowly finish my current book — Clean Gut by Alejandro Junger — and incorporate it with everything else that I believed important in my recovery journey.
No, I’m not terminally ill. Not even close to visiting any hospital anytime soon. As a matter of fact, the last time I visited a doctor because of an illness from my body had been months ago. I planned to go longer than just months.
I even secretly planned to do home birthing instead of going to a hospital for the sole reason that exposing my baby to doctors is not my cup of tea… (I have not even being pregnant yet. Now you see how crazy I sound? Yeah, right.)
So recovery journey is more of a term I use to return my current physical condition to the original blueprint designed by the Creator for me. Of course everybody has each own blueprint. That’s why the journey is never the same for me or you.
I admit, whatever I write for this journey idea is inspired heavily from other people’s journeys that were shared in their own memoirs, but hey, I feel it in my gut, everything inside me is aligned and willing to do this orchestrated journey. Apparently, it’s very excited when I proposed the idea to heal my physical self.
Because in a healthy body lies a healthy mind.
Mensana in corpore sano.
My lion now stands up while shaking its mane, his claws scratching the ground underneath.
Yes, I’m also ready.